overdosed.

Saturday 11:00 pm-evening medications
Saturday 11:30 pm-filling pill box for the next week, noticing I only have enough for two days...

I don't know what happened between the time I had my medications in my hands and when I took them. I take a few pills every night so, for some reason, i must have gotten distracted and just instinctively took the ones I was supposed to put in my box.

We were about to go upstairs to bed and I grabbed my my pill box so we could bring it up with us. That's when we saw there were none in there and that the original medication bottles weren't as full as they should be. We panicked and looked everywhere to see if maybe I accidentally dropped them or something. i just couldn't remember.

Nope. i took them. i took triple the amount of anti-seizure medication I was supposed to take that night. (note: the tumor was in the memory side of the brain; fortunately i've had very few memory issues-unfortunately this was one of them.)


my body began to shake uncontrollably and everything was spinning. Tim carried me to the car so we could go to the Emergency Room. As is typical with every ER visit, there were hours of waiting time. I couldn't look anywhere so I tried to close my eyes but my body still shook.

My ekg and vital signs were okay and now I had to wait out the symptoms. After dry-heaving into my hospital gown as my limbs flailed about, Tim carried me into our house. I prayed I would just fall asleep. sleeping would be so much better than being awake.

It was like a nightmarish mixture of seizures and vertigo-but much, much worse than both-and it wouldn't stop. I made it to the couch and tim slept on the floor next to me. that night was one of the most frightening nights of my life. i continued to pray i would just fall asleep and that it would just go away. but it didn't.

yesterday I slept most of the day. i can handle drowsiness. it's so much better than any other symptom. it's so much better than being awake. i was happy when time went by because every minute was one closer to the medication half-life. one minute closer to getting this out of my system.

there were finally a few "good" days in a row when everything seemed normal from top to bottom, but those days were temporarily halted by this enormous mistake.

obstacles continue. at least this time, we know it'll go away. these are symptoms that can be explained and a source can be identified. but that didn't make it any more bearable.

maybe tomorrow the symptoms will be gone completely and it will be better to be awake.