Friday, June 29, 2012

currently (not to be confused with "currency").

I feel as though I'm not enjoying my time because just living is quite exhausting. It takes double the amount of energy it should just to do "normal" things. Just to walk into a store is a huge milestone. I try REALLY, really hard-but sometimes it's just too much for my brain to process. It shouldn't be so stressful to go to restaurants. Every attempt at normalcy is a mental battle that I spend even more energy trying to hide.

I consider myself to be doing well when there are two or more days in a row where nothing goes wrong. This still doesn't happen often enough.

I need to get away-but how? It's been non-stop stress for 3 years and it is wearing me out. I don't even need anything fancy. I just need to be away from here. "Here" is calling the doctor and waiting for a call back from the disability office. Here is getting denial letters and lay-off emails. Here is waiting and hoping for the hours to go by quickly. Here is sitting on the floor blogging about how frustrating it is when it feels like the world is moving on when I can't-no matter how hard I try. Here feels like failure.

Maybe White Oaks Resort/Spa (or somewhere similar) will have a "brain tumor patient and spouse" weekend giveaway.

I just need life to stop raining...even for a few days.

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