Friday, February 17, 2012


Two weeks ago I saw my doctor's Nurse Practitioner for a general follow up/MRI results and to discuss these crazy daily episodes. He tried a few things with my seizure med and made some changes. We tried to few different things....

...and guess what?? They don't happen anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One of the many side-effects of this medication is dizziness/double vision (as is a side-effect of many meds). There are tons of side-effects for every medication (dry mouth, blindness, stroke, know the drill) so it's often hard for symptoms to be traced back to one source. The strange thing is that I have been on this medication for over a year and just started having these episodes the past few months. None of my other neuros considered this or thought to change the medication. This NP put me on an extended release version of the medication to prevent peaks and lows (which he predicted was the cause).

His tip-off was that they happened around the same time of day every day with no specific trigger and then kind of went away on their own. I have done every neuro exam a million times-walk heel-to-toe on the line, close my eyes and point to my nose, squeeze their hands as tight as I can....but he did a few I have never done before. He even asked which direction my body spun when I was having these dizziness episodes and the fact that it was clockwise was of interest to him. Hmmm. I am SOOO glad he took all of these things into consideration and didn't give the canned answer of "it's get better in time."

What an enormous relief. One step closer to getting my life back.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

his story.

he has never complained. he doesn't make me feel bad about needing him home or about running errands or about driving me to endless appointments.

"When my ends all come undone
I don't fall apart-I don't fall apart"

I cry when I hear him playing those first chords in the other room.

There are many more beautiful lyrics he wrote but this one strikes me the most when I think about everything that has happened and what it must be like to have his perspective. He doesn't seek pity. he isn't trying to get some spotlight. No-he's hurting in silence too. But he hides it well. he has to be strong because i need him to be strong. If I mention this to him, he thinks I'm silly to compare what I have gone through to what he has gone through on the other side.

I had heard recently that during one of my first seizures 2 years ago I was on my bed, unable to move, with my eyes open, completely frozen. Tim later told me that he checked my pulse. When he told me it's ridiculous to think his experience is nearly as debilitating as mine, I told him that I had never for a second had to figure out if he was dead.

I would not choose a side. I COULD not choose a side. All I know is: I don't think I could be the person he is.

political teaching post: 14% less.

"The High Cost of Low Teacher Pay"

If nothing else, here's the first paragraph:

"When we don’t get the results we want in our military endeavors, we don’t blame the soldiers. We don’t say, “It’s these lazy soldiers and their bloated benefits plans! That’s why we haven’t done better in Afghanistan!” No, if the results aren’t there, we blame the planners. We blame the generals, the secretary of defense, the Joint Chiefs of Staff. No one contemplates blaming the men and women fighting every day in the trenches for little pay and scant recognition."
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