Monday, January 2, 2012

thanksgiving sans the turkey.

Philippians 4:6 says "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God" (NKJV)

My heart is always overwhelmed-I am constantly filled with fear. How can I be thankful? What is there to be thankful FOR? It gets easier and easier to be discouraged as time goes by. It took me a little bit of time to think of how I could give thanks for the circumstances life has dealt me. But I could. there is ALWAYS something.

I am thankful that I am ABLE to get treatment. I am ABLE to get chemotherapy.
Even though I had radiation-I am thankful that there is a renown cancer center 15 minutes away from me. I didn't have to travel hours each day to get there (as others I met had).
I go to physical therapy and I was able to rebuild my muscles that were lost with that steroid. I am able to walk. to run even. I worked with wonderful people who I still look forward to seeing. I had brain surgery twice-but I am thankful that it was with a highly respected surgeon-the best in our area. I was in the very best hands possible.

I take medicine twice a day. I am in a country that can provide that. that has enough medical research to make that.

There are awful things that happen every day. I stopped typing this post because I had to gag into a plastic bag. But I could use my arms to reach over and hold the bag. I can use my arms. I could see the bag because I can use my eyes.

I will be grateful for everything that gets better as it does. Often it feels like 2 steps forward, 1 step back, and 10 steps sideways. I get frustrated and will continue to get frustrated when it does.

but, even if it is only for today, I can try to be thankful.

I am off to an appointment. I can make it there because we own a car. because I have an amazing husband who has been by my side this whole time-unwavering. because there are people who can drive me. there are professionals who have studied medicine so they can try to fix me.

I have to have faith that this will get better soon. I have to keep trying. it is so hard-but I have to keep trying. and when i feel like i can't i know that there are people who will help me. I know some wonderful, wonderful people. and for that, i am thankful.

1 comment:

  1. *like*
    I love you and I am SO THANKFUL just to have someone like you close to me! I am (and I'm sure many others feel this way) privileged to be able to converse with you and share things with you that are personal to me and to trust you! No matter what you have gone through, or your physical disadvantages at times, you mean nothing less to any of us (who truly care and appreciate every part of you) in fact, you mean more every day since knowing you and figuring out how amazing you are every day adds to your worth in my heart and mind! I feel honored to take your plate to the kitchen and to take a request for you, because I love you and if it means helping you no matter what I will do my best to help! Wow! You have, as you said above, many things to be thankful for that by most would be things that they wouldn't even realize deserve thanks, but you have no idea how many people are so thankful for YOU! I can't wait to see you go through the big hoops, but the small ones sometimes mean more. For example: seeing you on Christmas Eve, standing, moving from room to room, sitting at the kitchen table and eating something there; seeing you walk up the stairs, in fact, seeing you walk for the first time without a human "walker" almost overwhelmed me; seeing you play guitar and kick open the front door (=]) knowing that on New Years Eve, when in the same situation a couple months ago would have probably put you into a seizure and extreme over-stimulated pain, didn't. I can't wait for the month of February to pass without another surgery, or for May to come and have you walking along side your family and friends at the Walk for A Cure fundraiser, or even being able to have another benefit for you and have you attend and greet the people who have loved, prayed, supported, and waited desperately for your presence for these 2 years. It blows my mind to even think of NOT loving you or wanting to be around you all the time! I am so proud to say you will be my sister, and that I am a part of your family! You have always been someone I looked up to even before knowing I would be in your family, and even though I know you have hit some very deep lows through your struggles and have almost lost hope (maybe lost it completely) and lost the will to live for moments, I also know that with every victory, there will be a vengeance to live even more vigorously than ever before because you know how precious every little moment/experience is! You will be more vibrant, more caring, loving, appreciative. If you told me that you could be even more of these things 3 years ago, I wouldn't even think it was possible, but I can feel it. I can see it in you, I just know, and can't wait to see you on the day you look at yourself, your health, your body, your mind, your current life, and say "I couldn't be any happier, or more fulfilled than I feel right now." It may not be for many years that you reach this point, but I hope I can be lucky enough, honored enough to know you've reached it.

    I could go on forever! BUT that seems like enough for now, every once in a while I get alot off my chest on one of your posts! Hahaha!

    I love you so much Reesie!!
    Love, Katie :)


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